"I HATE GOING TO SLEEP/I HATE WAKING UP" - This digital piece originally began as nothing more than a doodle. Out of boredom, I was experimenting with a digital drawing of a skull that I had made weeks earlier. I liked the idea of adding more graphic elements to a more photorealistic image, and I was enjoying the aesthetic and concept that was beginning to take shape. Additionally, this piece was made during an especially strenious period of my life, specifically during the peak of my college application proccess during the fall of my senior year of high school. Pent up stress and anxiety seemed to allow me to express myself much more easily than in past attempts. The result not only delivers an aesthetiuc that I find visually interesting, but also provides insight into my own perdspective on living with ADHD. The message of "I HATE GOING TO SLEEP/I HATE WAKING UP," I feel is a perfect description of the relationship I have with sleep as a result of my condition. Due to the way that my brain operates as well as the effects of the medication I take to treat my ADHD, sleep has been a struggle of mine for as long as I can rememeber. Regardless of how tired my mind and my body are, most nights I often have serious trouble quieting my mind. The process of getting my brain to shut down requires complicated methods as well as a decent amount of time. The process, is for lack of better words, annoying. This is further ampligfied by the fact as tired as I may be, my brain does not actually want to sleep, and instead continue searching for dopamine responses wherever it can find them. To be slightly more specific, I hate the action of going to sleep. However, there are few things I enjoy more in life than the action of actually sleeping. Not many things in my life can quite eclipse the feeling of overcoming the obstacles laid out for me, and giving my body and mind some much needed rest. I think most people can agree, sleep feels amazing. Additionally, I have seemingly always had the unique ability to lucid dream. Thus, sleep not only allows me rest from the mental and physical stress of everyday life, but it also allows me to quite literally create and exist in a reality of my choosing. Therefore, the sound of my alarm blaring in the morning is not something I enjoy. That noise signifies a violent end to bliss, and a sharp return to reality. In other words, I hate waking up. As the day goes on, and my brain continues to acquiesce to reality, I get more comfortable and the demand for dopamine increases. By the end of the day, once again, my brain wants nothing more to stay wake, leading to more distain for the action of going to sleep. This cycle repeats itself everyday. This is life with ADHD, and I feel that this piece delivers that message exactly the way I want it to. - Procreate for iPad Pro - 2019